Flailing...
Well, I've out done myself. I've gone to that place I said I wouldn't. It's called "Crazy Party Planner Perfectionist Land". I honestly am not sure where I get these compulsions from. I am not this anal retentive in real life, but in "Crazy Party Planner Perfectionist Land" everything has to be just right. I had a crisis yesterday when my roulette and blackjack dealers canceled at the last moment and I almost burst into tears. Tim tried to help me by "giving me perspective". To a hysterical party planner, this is the WORST insult. I yelled, "I don't need perspective, I need casino dealers!". Then he calmly and rationally pointed out that I was acting like a crazy person and I needed to chill out and remember that he was only trying to help. And then I felt like a schmuck.
If you were my psychologist, you'd probably say these habits formed when I was young, from low self-esteem and now I'm creating alternate realities where I get to be the hostess (i.e. attention center) and well, you'd probably be right. I don't do this for you, I do this for me. And all the crazy costumes and extravagant food and entertainment are just a by-product of a deeper issue. I really LOVE Halloween and I HAVE to celebrate it. I don't love it in the Gothic "I want to suck your blood" kind of way, but in an almost symbolic and reverent way.
Halloween provides that familiar feeling of fall from my childhood. Fall is a time for new beginnings, a chance to start over. The crisp air swirling fire and crimson colored leaves down the sidewalk, the breathless anticipation of the holiday season beginning. It's intoxicating... I actually get goose bumps when I smell that delicious fall air. I immediately want to hole up in my house, sewing madly and making soups from various squashes. I crave cinnamon, cloves, and ginger... Sweet and dense breads and the sounds of Halloween Town raving about their spooky accomplishments.
It's intoxicating and I am drunk on it all. So that's my current status. Drunk on Halloween and I wouldn't have it any other way.
* update * I have found casino dealers... so all is well. I finished my costume last night and I am feeling very good about the upcoming festivities...
If you were my psychologist, you'd probably say these habits formed when I was young, from low self-esteem and now I'm creating alternate realities where I get to be the hostess (i.e. attention center) and well, you'd probably be right. I don't do this for you, I do this for me. And all the crazy costumes and extravagant food and entertainment are just a by-product of a deeper issue. I really LOVE Halloween and I HAVE to celebrate it. I don't love it in the Gothic "I want to suck your blood" kind of way, but in an almost symbolic and reverent way.
Halloween provides that familiar feeling of fall from my childhood. Fall is a time for new beginnings, a chance to start over. The crisp air swirling fire and crimson colored leaves down the sidewalk, the breathless anticipation of the holiday season beginning. It's intoxicating... I actually get goose bumps when I smell that delicious fall air. I immediately want to hole up in my house, sewing madly and making soups from various squashes. I crave cinnamon, cloves, and ginger... Sweet and dense breads and the sounds of Halloween Town raving about their spooky accomplishments.
It's intoxicating and I am drunk on it all. So that's my current status. Drunk on Halloween and I wouldn't have it any other way.
* update * I have found casino dealers... so all is well. I finished my costume last night and I am feeling very good about the upcoming festivities...
posted by saucybritches at
10/25/2007 08:59:00 AM
3 Comments:
I know how you feel about being a hostess, I get the same way when I have parties, but I spend most of my time cleaning up after people and rotating dishes, heating things, (ect.) that I don't get to relax though. I go to other parties and they have a bowl of chips and some salsa, and I'm happy. I guess I have some deeper inner need to impress myself. Also, if the chocolate fountain is crooked again like last time, its over, the crazy comes out!
PS, Your parties should be in a magazine!
~Brandi
I've said it, Tim has said it, others have said it... if worlds collided and you didn't have gambling at your Halloween party, it will still be a fantastic Halloween party. So there.
Do they have treatment centers for this affliction? ;)
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