Day 2 of what I like to call, "The Week of Poo"

I never realized until today, how much confidence I derived from my uniform. As a teenager I never felt as though I belonged anywhere. I always felt like the black sheep in my family, the odd man out at school… I enjoyed being in the military mostly because of the identity it gave me. As I grew older and started to develop my own identity aside from the military, I started to feel like the uniform wasn’t as important. All the same, I savored those last few weeks in green. I liked having my hair pulled back in a smart little bun, my collar starched and my boots all shiny. It made me feel important. I don't really feel that way anymore... Isn't there something I can wear as a civilian that will make me feel more important?

The feelings I’m having right now hark back to those days before the military. I feel sad and a little lost. I know it’s just a feeling and mostly a result of my recent disappointment, but all the same, my confidence level is not where it should be. Not to mention the fact that I look like a freak this morning. My eyes are all swollen from crying. I’ve had to apologize to Tim for my looniness. He’s not used to seeing me act all wacky. But, repression generally leads to this kind of outburst. I keep telling everyone I’m doing fine. My friends ask how I’m adjusting and I say that it’s going well. That’s not the whole truth. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I feel alone in my experience. Nobody quite understands and I have a hard time explaining what it is exactly that makes this all so difficult for me.

So to sum up… I’m sad, frustrated, and also kind of chubby. Oh and I have puffy eyes. The day can only get better right? *she said, hoping it was true…*